Is this summer destined to be “fruitless”? When other countries all have lowered their barriers, Canada is still “striving” to prevent students from working off-campus. So foolish.

   I had an opportunity, you know what, maybe it was not him who should to blame, and maybe it was just me. It is so appealing that I’m a slow-pacer, always late. I hated myself so much when I was acknowledged the position was already filled in. If I had started writing the resume earlier, I could be working by now…But there is no turning back, never. I was such an idiot.

   After more than half year living in this apartment, it is now about to be changed into the pass intense. As I always told my visitors, my apartment is the most “sophisticated” in this neighborhood. Now when I am about to leave all conveniences of gym, washing machine, dryer… new features of the new apartment seem less attractive. Yet, it is time to make the change, isn’t it. I mean, 6 months, that should be my span of change making. Good news is the new place is much closer to my jogging course. Technically, it is right on the starting point of the course. More good news is there is a nice football, sorry “soccer” field close to my new apartment as well. Watching a bunch of Canadians play soccer is not as fun as watching them play hockey, I gotta tell ya!

                                Packing

   Looking at the empty room, nothing seems to have changed since I moved in. There wouldn’t be any track of my staying in this apartment once I moved out. That’s what I hate about apartment, there is no memory. People move in and out, all of a sudden, people are more like the ones that are rented instead of apartments.

         

   Like I promised myself yesterday, I finished writing my resume. Unfortunately, I was too late to hand it over, when I went over there; the TESL center was already closed. I mentioned that because it was the theme of the day. Thanks to the professional helps from the writing center, my resume is now finally polished. It increased my personal confidence and chance to get this job.

   Although most of the day was used on preparing the resume, I still made some time for the jogging. The windy and chilling weather of today was the “sixth element” for my record-breaking plan and so was this tough jogger I met during the jogging. For the first time, at least the first time since I started jogging in Halifax, I met someone who is that good at running. He today not only tripled my length of running, but also reinforced my interests to the running. Like the words I used as today’s title that “competition makes differences”, if it was not that the crappy cushions I used in my running shoes, I could have beaten the best record I once had run.

 

April 25, 2006

   I wanted to publish the above yesterday after I wrote it down, but I gave up the idea in the end. For some reasons, my blogs are getting worse. So despite the fact that I’m spending more time conceiving something, anything to put in blogs, they are simply going nowhere. On some levels, I’m facing a bottle-neck problem on my blogs. I actually had the problem from the very beginning; I just didn’t know it was there. Combining two blogs together could be a solution. It fills the page, that’s for sure; besides, I could spend less time struggling on it. My good intention to have fun from writing blogs turned out to have produced major sufferings for myself and my extremely infrequent visitors.

   One of my German friends is leaving on this Saturday. The leaving of most of my German friends at the end of the last semester wasn’t easy for me and now last of my exiguous savings of German friends are going to be taken away from me. I believe my farewell to the pub was to the accompaniment of their leavings.

    “Sorrow comes to all, and to the young it comes with bittered agony because it takes them unawares”(Abraham Lincoln)

         

      The guy who invented the paint balls must be a genius. It wouldn’t be a surprise to me if the real military fans give no credits to it. Cause although most people dress up like professionals, they have absolutely no knowledge of a battlefield. Most of them went up to the field barely served one purpose: to pull the tiger and waste the paint balls. So although I was with all the intentions to the team workings, I ended up fighting alone all the time. Seriously, it would be much more fun if we had applied some military techniques to the game. Anyways, we still had fun.

Today was mostly “colored” by the paint balls. Time gives no mercies especially when you are having fun. The darkness always comes at your reluctance to seeing the end of the day. Drowsily lying down on the couch, watching my finger go back and forth on the keyboard…

 My indolence is again telling me to put off the plan of writing the resume. I better get started before it took over the full control of me.         

        

       Things are now totally backing to normal. Numbers are again starting to fill up the calendar. 23.07 was not as good as I’ve expected. I passed the buck to the chafing dish I had earlier today. Not only it had me felt all drowsy and sleepy, it also weakened my strength on some levels. The last time I had chafing dish was like a year ago.

      I wanted to talk about more about the hotpot, yet, that would be the feeding on fancies after all. It is painful and frustrating. So why bother. Anyways, the reason that I didn’t name the chafing dish we ate earlier today a hotpot was mainly due to shortage of mutton.(The difference between a hotpot and chafing dish is beyond me, I humbly assume that the latter one could be the treat with all the fresh and tender mutton). The unalterable priggish characters of the western food somehow resembled the bitterness and insipidity of my diaries. For many times that I had the strong feelings to stop knocking the stiff keyboard, but eventually, my clumsy fingers kept their promises of a crude performance. With the overflowing information we have today, I shouldn’t have found so many troubles finding a thing or two to talk about. Politics, such as the recent visit of China’s president to the America, especially the hilarious episode of his visit could be expended a lot by my mocks. Sports, the NBA playoffs are like a raging fire. Movie, the popularity of the <<Da Vinci Code >> is spreading like an epidemic …What else?

Oh…Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’ve planed to play paint balls with my germen friend tomorrow. That would be a virgin experience to me. The resume is still a blank paper, deadline is tomorrow,. My indolence is always overwhelming my pathetic determinations. Holy crap!        

         

           

    I understand I already wrote some unfinished diaries about it the other day, still through, the reunion of my friends and I again stimulated the “time traveling”. Li Xiang, Jiang Wei and Liu Yizhong (AKA Boss), I miss you guys so much..

   No matter what brought us together, I’m glad I met you guys. The first time I met Lixiang, he was carrying two backpacks, one hanging in the front, with the other one on his back... A short sleeveless shirt, tan skin…People who dressed up like that could be easily found in the train stations in China, but in an airport, he was all exceptional. To me, he somehow depicted a rustic, honest Chinese country boy who was not yet “polluted” by the dreggy air in the big cities. Appearances sometimes could be deceptive, yet for this time, his honesty and tolerance were pure like his tan skin. I had my acquaintance with him soon. Airport is a place that accumulates all the impulses to talk to people, isn’t it? When you are at the airport, looking out from the window, all the hopes and expectations would never be closer to you, it somehow gives the courage to cross the barriers and talk to the people that you don’t know who happened to sit around you. I let the chemical reaction took place and went ahead talking to people. That’s how I had met Liu Yizhong and other people.  

   Interestingly, the first and the last roommate I had in Singapore was not one of those I talked to in the airport. It turned out the guy who impressed me least lived with me for the first 6 months. Call me mean, but all I remember about my first roommate is his obese shape, and his lowliness towards girls. We had some hostile time together in the first two months. Cause I gossiped him at some occasions. I guess young people are less likely to remember the imbroglios. Those “nasty pages” would soon be torn off. Although being two completely different types of people, we still had something in common. Soccer had us talked to each other again soon. It not only eased the tension between us but also built up one of the few memories I would like to remember about Singapore. All with the enthusiasm to the soccer and the gambling, we had most of our time together sacrificed to the discussion of that kind of tropics. I gotta say, those were the time I really enjoyed. Since we were living with the landlord, we had to keep our excitement and depression inside of us when we watch the game. As you could imagine, that could be terribly painful. Sadly, we gained much less than we lost and after the season ended, I moved out. Disappointedly, “He still owns me 200SGD” was the last comment I made about my roommate.

   It is already after mid-night in Canada, noon in Singapore, 4 in the morning in Cambridge, England…My best wishes to all my friends in these two countries.  

                    

     

It sucked like it never sucked before. Two weeks of struggling on studies and finals, it never appealed to me that studying could be this tiresome and troublous, or just I haven’t really studied that a sudden begin makes me this uncomfortable. If there was a lesson to learn, it would not be the mistakes I made during the test; it would be the mistakes I made before the test. I shouldn’t have left all the studies to the very week before the final. Trust me, It makes that week a nightmare, a disaster…whatever you want to call it, very much indeed.

 

Anyways, the “smoke of power” has melted away in these rainy vernal days. Library is involuntarily going back to its default peaceful status, at least for me it is. For this moment, I’m the most reluctant conceiving anything for the coming long holiday. Maybe restart writing my diary would be a start. Everything should be on its track of going back to normal. Jogging, woolgather, complaining. I couldn’t name anymore of my daily routine, these are the “everything”.

 

Hopefully, an on- campus job would be the fourth one.  Holy shit, confusion and solitary soon occupied my mind again after the finals. I somehow hope I still had finals; it would force me to fight all my indolence. Such a baby and such a car.   Without gas, I am going nowhere. Unfortunately, the hiking of gas price even made the gas unaffordable, and my indolence had prevented me from discarding the “car” and riding the “bicycle”. How nice! Let’s all die in the car.

My signature as usual: “Only human”!  

       

    

The chain effect of indulge has again showed its power. Yesterday it had me missed a diary; today, completely sabotaged my studying plan was another…This has to be stopped. So I decided to bring lunch to the library and seriously name tomorrow a “day of studies”.

 

By whatever kind of definitions, I shouldn’t find any replacement for studies. Movie, like the one I went watching earlier this afternoon, was “perfectly” “hilarious”, TV, is full of craps…quotation marks has become my doting tool of writing. Sometimes, things are so resented that I can’t even resent them in a direct way…Does every movie has to be sequeled? <<Scary movie 3>> has made a good impression, despite the facts that it was kinda ridiculous and plotless, it earned a few of my easy laughs, while the <<Scary movie 4>> wasn’t even good enough for some of my cheap laughs. No good can come out from a movie with a number in its title, no matter how big the number is or how fascinating the original one is. <<Matrix 2,3>>, <<Basic Instinct 2>>…to name just a few. Are the film directors running out of all the possible stuffs they can film so they are indefatigably ruining the good memories we have? Smart audiences soon will learn the fact while the smart ones will also soon despite all the facts. There is nothing we can do. Whatever they film, we pay to watch all the craps. Being a “stupid” person, I compensated myself somehow by sneaking into the cinema through the back door. I may will never have to buy the tickets. One hint for those who go to the cinema in Bayer’s Lake, as long as you are going there with someone, “buy one get one free” will always be the offer there for you. Some may say, where the hell is your civilization? F*ck you then, I’ve had enough. This world had every uncivilized dirty business done in the name of civilization. “Buy one get one free, 50% off, best offer…” those lines had us buy stuffs. We all spontaneously have the illusions of “luck” after we bought the shit. But why? Why would we be happy even when we were used? Whatever “good deal” they give to us, there is only one purpose , a purpose of “using us”. Ironically, we are all just using each other in all kinds of “civilized” way. So, since we are all serving for one purpose, why can’t we pare off the "icing" of  “civilizations” and make things more efficient? Would it be more efficient for a poor guy robbing a bank to get the money he needed? Would  it be more efficient for a hungry rushing into a restaurant and grab the food without all the crappy reservations and ordering? Wouldn’t it…?

So try to make a rule or two for the sake of yourself…Salute those smart criminals, pay some respects. Outlaws are the ones that are really living, they are the ones who have some stories to tell when the “story” ends. As to us, we can only hate the politics, hate the commercials, hate the suffs we bought because we’ve found chaper, hate the money we have because they are never enough…

                     Only Human!          

      Four days, for four days I didn't write any blogs...I was too tired , I let go of all my incentives to not writing.Finally, MGSC and MGT have become history, finally , french and macroeconomics will have to be wrote into history soon.

      I guess people who still have unfinished finals would not apperciate the coming "Good friday".  The library will be closed, bus will be in the holiday schedule...This slow pace place is still remaining slow paced even in the busiest time to us. I'll be remaining busy anyways! Three days, serves a simply task, making up to the stuides in the whole semester. "The" French, the pain in the ass.

      The possibilty could be that too many studies and books have rushed though my head, now I don't even remember my lame technics of writing a terrible blog. Hopefully, this will go back to "normal" as well as jogging.

      Tomorrow better be an auspicious day...it chills my boold when I knowledge mysllf the inevitablility of seeing the evil witch again. I kinda hope she won't be there. Eagle nose, long and thin face, with two sunk eyes embeded...all hers features ressemble a witch...unfortunately,she happened to be my management science instructor. That is totally not funny. Her bad reputation on treating students ,especially international students give me no reason to feel easy and comfortable on the coming final.

       What cheers me up is my feet are feeling better. Like I said, I should be fully recovered by this week.

      Two days before the finals...studying happens to be the theme of these two days. At least, today has been mostly filled with books, sheets...what so ever!

       Guess what, instead of visiting the library of Saint Mary's, I made my official visit to Mount Saint Vincent University. I gotta say, it gave me a good impression. It did, Very much indeed. To make a great use of this closer resource, tomorrow would be more likely to be consumed in there.

       Jogging, I miss it so much. Hopefuly, I will be able to run again in next week. Off jogging for the second day, off to bed immediately.

    I'll have to stay away from jogging for a couple of days, even up to a couple of weeks. My feet injury is much worse than I thought. Now,even walking becomes a tough task for me. I kinda have some sort of flat-feet, that's what the expert on the internet says. I was also acknowledged jogging has huge impact on knees which might cause some problems on knees...Ironically, I  started  suffering "The" some problems right after I read his article. Great! What else? My back? My tigh?...Bring them on. I can't jog anyway.

    Like most people always say "all things have two sides". Jogging is no exception, not at all. Especially for a flat-footed such as me. I guess now the other side is turning its back against me. Ha...

    I'm actually in a terrible mood, the only routine I liked to carry on  has been taken away from me. What was that? Punishment? punishment for my arrogance,my sarcastic mouthiness...? Crap!

    

     20.37...even I myself doubted the timer at the first moment I looked at my watch. Endured all the pains I picked up from the previous joggings, I again smoothly beat up the record. Yet, this smoothness could end tomorrow. The inner side of my heel has been bothering me for a couple of days. Something I did wrongly  during the jogging might accidentally broke some parts in there. Damn...this is the most thing I don't want to see! It could somehow jeopardise my jogging plan. 

      Mais, nevermind, I'll get over it. I'm tough! I'll sleep it off.

      But there is something that I can't have rested  peacefully. I was treated unfairly by my french instructor. An expected nice grade on the oral test hasn't been assembled by the fact. An eight out of ten would sound good to some first impressions. Anyway, I did way much better than that. A chinese guy who barely speaks english magically received 8.5 on the test...What a fake, phoney bitch my instructor is! You know what...I don't give a shit, I'm the king,I'm the lord,I'm the world .King kong ain't shit on me... if there was a god, it would be me! Arrogant, judgemental, sarcastic...All me.I'm everything...!

      "ONLY HUMAN"

    22.52, 22.18...these numbers might mean nothing to you guys, but mean a lot to me. After the failure of consistency I found in the gym, I concived with the idea to beat up the time I run everyday.Althoug how far this can go is still up to the air, I see an ample prospect based on this week's work. With all the appreciations to this fresh great jogging course,I told myself even the rainstorm shouldn't be the excuse to giving up the very "routine" I like to carry on.

     We all have the certain knowledges that a plan is the main pole, or the infrastructer of the day. We also have the certain expereinces of failing all kinds of plan we made for ourselves. One of the many advantages about a robot is he never gets bored. An impulse ,an illusion ...gets us having ideas. I guess I myself have the most authority to draw one or two conclusions out of it.An anthropologist might have already drew some conclusion like we are all "short run" animals. If I had carry on all the "blue-prints" I painted for myself, I wouldn't ended up stuck on painting more "fading" blue-prints.

     "I feel bored, sick of doing the same thing, de ja vu..." those could be one of the few things we can really share with each other. No matter they are spoke in english, french, german or chinese, they are convey one thing, and one thing only...The plan has failed.

     "Only human", that's one line I remembered from the <<Matrix>>. The movie shouldn't be studied throughly, like the lines. We make our own judgements on things long before we get to know them. "What would an alien look like?" or "Do the ghosts exist?" ...movies had convienced us to believe aliens are all ugly creatures with rugated dark skins and twisty bodies...Why would they look like us? Skins, arms,although combined with the fetures from the other animals. After all, they would still be some bizarre looking creatures on this very plante, instead of from the "outspace".

      Talking about bizarre , that bizarre "invisiable" man-James is demonstrating his unbelieveable "ugly" skills again. "Only nigger".    

     

             Scaried, scaried by the pace of time...Last week o fclass  is chanting the  epilogue of another semester. We have switched back to the daylight saving time, the ice from the last winter is now a rare guest...

             My sensitivity has again involuntarily took over the control of me.It is just, seeking for a destination for life takes a life time. The Raptor is still seeking, not for a purpose of life, but a hard victory. My prediction about Raptor's game is about to be "verified" again tonight. Interestingly,my cynicism towards this team is now  going through a revolutionary neutralising process. When all the helpless and astray are wrote on the coach's face,he somehow deserves sympathize. His lacks of luck had me thought about the shortage of understanding in the entire world.  Gloating over other's misfortunate is the theme of this ridiculous "park". Those who have a good heart have the real intelligence and wisdom. The wisdom from the old chinese told us " Who wons the hearts of people, wons the world" (I hope I translated that right, like I saied, when it comes to literature, english is helpless as well).  Times change, things change, but something deep in us don't chage (hopefully). Helping the others is helping yourself. Give a hand when it is most needed...Sadly, most of us are too stupid to understand the wisdom.

     I feel sick today. I don't know if I am mentally or physically sick ? Maybe both them or maybe I was mentally sick firstly then it gets me physically.Crap...

     Being vulnerable to the outside world could be a troublesome thing. My day was almost runined by a jerk. When I was on my way home earlier this afternoon, there was a jerk who was yelling at a poor old man barely because he crossed the road when he was not supposed to.I was like, if I had a gun, I would blow his head off right inside his annoying shity car. Damn...Actually, I would like to have rockets, blast those bastards to ashes with their sick cars.

     Punks, those are the people I really can't stand. By my definition , they by no means ressemble a man. They are more disgusting than the cockroach. Technicially, they are simply a big pile of maggot.Not only they are  totally useless,they also pollute this world. 

     Screw them, one day, you have my word, I'll "clean them up" by my own hands. But now, I gotta sleep. 

     "Die Hard" could be the most favorite title I'd like to put on the Raptors. They tie the games, in all kinds of situation. When they fall behind , they catch up.When they take the lead, they wait for the other teams to catch up...But eventually, they lose the game. Although not being a fan of this team, not at all...I still give some throughts to what happend to them...in one word, they just don't have luck, do they?

      We've always been told that a  success is consisting of 70% power, 30% luck. But sometimes, luck that really matters. I guess the most lucky thing would be to be born in a right place at a right time.There was an old saying that "Troubled times make heros".  Mao (once the great leader of China) made his own history in a troublous era, a roily period in the previous century helped Hitler making the most use of his ambitions...

      There must be some of us who are thirsty for an insurrection, a riot, even a war...what ever you want to call it. We all need a medium to unleash the demon inside of us. Adivertisement has rised our lust for "goods" like it never did before, internet gives us a fast but a painful way to learn the disappointing fact, women "dress less" in these days to draw more men's attentions and also hormones, but the sad story is not every man's horniess will be satisfied...We are storing up all the explosive materials for one explosion and it is gonna be a big one. Could be the biggest ever...When was the last time we had the demon unleashed? Second Iraq war? I don't think so. Obviously, it fervidly attracted our couriosity, yet, most of us were like the audiences to an interesting movie and so are the gulf wars, vietnam...  1945, when we offically closed the screen of the last worldy war, we also started preparing for the next one ...After 61 years of preparing,I guess  万事俱备只欠东风！

       Je vais commencer faire un bon usage de francais en ecriture........Oh,crap...I can't do this...it is too hard, it would be a mission impossible for me.

      Anyways, what I was trying to say is that "I found a new course for jogging". I hope that would help the francophones, and if you are not, please ignore the aboving nonsense and read on while there will not be much to read.

      My diary is encountering a crisis, a crisis of creativity. Maybe I never had any revealed in the past diaries. Still through, I guess I could comfort myslef somehow by comparing with the rest the world. It has become a difficult thing finding a memorable movie, "listenable" song, different day... A couple of years ago, when my enthuse on downloading movies was at its peak, I would spend tons of time on filtering movies. Fortunately, a few pieces of art have been found, unfortunately, I might have digged out all that could be found. Rubbish, totally rubbish...that's how I would define today's movies. I'm onto something."Assembly line" could be the most comprehensive parable for the case.Hollywood and all pop stars produce movies and musics in an assembly line, our live styles are all vaguely identical products from the assembly line...It was once considered the assembling of quality ,quanity and efficiency. Yet for some "products", quantity doesn't go with quality, consequently,efficiency beomes an illusive.

       J'espere cela se produira possible pour moi a la journee ecriture ceci blog en francais. Je ferais commencer de travailler .