Marines Lead The Way

                                                                                                   “The legend of white snake”

   Remember I was in elementary school when this Taiwanese sitcom prevailed in mainland, China. The bewitching white snake swept the country and left so many priceless memories in that generation. Along with many other television sitcoms that have accompanied our growth; “The legend of white snake” has always occupied a special spot in my heart.

   Almost 15 years later, when the music of “The legend of white snake” sounds again, when so many familiar figures recurred again on the screen, I was smitten by deep sensation somewhat between sadness and rejoice.

   It must here be told who this white snake was. White snake demon, Bai SuZhen, dreams of becoming a goddess, Kwan-yin directed her to repay her benefactor(Xu), who saved her life 1000 years ago ,so she takes on human form and goes to the human realm. Bai and Xu genuinely fall in love with one another, but such a relationship is forbidden by the laws of heaven. They meet a sorcerer (monk) called FaHai who once had a personal enmity with Bai and believes that every demon should be eliminated. But FaHai also knows that Bai SuZhen is already in the process of becoming a goddess. He can't eliminate her immediately so he vows that he will if he sees them again. The chance came when Bai sent her sister (Qing) to steal treasure from the “Prime minister” of the country in order to help Xu, and thus offended the officials. “Prime minister” sent Fahai to eliminate Bai and her friends. Fahai first tricks Xu into being knocked and locked him up. Bai begged Fahai to release Xu, Fahai not only refused her request but humiliated her by disgraceful means. Qing decided to revenge for her sister, but was almost killed by Fahai, to save her sister; Bai flooded the temple and almost the entire district by using witchcraft. Fahai was going to eliminate Bai when the baby in Bai saved her life.  But after giving birth to a son Bai can't control herself anymore and is forced to tell her husband the truth about her origins. Xian kindly accepts her, but Fahai then attacks the weakened Bai and holds her to eternal captivity in the Leifeng Pagoda.

   There have been many modifications to the story and the story has been performed numerous times in Opera and films. But it is only in its 1993 Taiwanese TV series that my affectionateness dwells. I believe I wasn’t the only one that was crazy for Bai Suzhen, revolted at Faihai and felt sad for Xu…Bai Suzhen was played by Agene (Zhao yazhi), who has gained her popularity based upon many of the roles she played long before this sitcom. I recall that I first fell for her on her last play “Drama of Qianlong”. “Such a beauty shall only be found in heaven, for what reason was she descended to terrestrial?

I didn’t recon that after so many years, when I went back to review the TV series, it is still so affecting as if it was a barrel of aged wine that could only refine itself as the time lapse . When the roughness of the graphics becomes so obvious and yet so naïvely cute; when so many special effects in the movie are considered obsolete according to today’s technological standard…then I start to realize that I was only too dump to have made such a comparison.

                                                                                 Return

It has been more than one year, indeed…from the last time that I’ve left any trace here. Listening to Damien Rice while I’m trying to replay what has happened in the past year, have strived and failed to put all the scattered memories together.

Again, I feel the urge to write and again I feel the need to rest after a few lines, as if words would start to become impotent. For all these years, I’ve been tired for no reasons. Happiness has never been the derivatives of my reaching towards being an adult. Maybe I’m an adult already. That’s right; I have been an adult since I gave up playing with firecrackers, playing war game with my younger sisters and brothers, with whom I have barely spoken in the past few years. They have involuntarily become strangers, like thousands of other people I pass by each everyday. Sometimes I would miss them so much; sometimes I seek for them helplessly in my memories.

God, I’ve grown way older than I should be. I contemplate life with desperations. I see things with desire and anger, with an impulse to possess and destroy at the same time. The philosophers say that we are all contradictory entities, I believe I will definitely shine on that account. Can’t I for once just start to enjoy life instead of squeezing the world for bitter juice? The answer is either alcohol or “fight club”, perhaps the two combine. Let’s drink for “Fight club”, in which I might find salvation;let the chips fall where they may... It is this movie that gives me resonance to a deeper of voice of my life. For a split second on the flight back to Canada, I had wished for a crash, I had wished for the plane to ditch into the ocean, survived by only me and another beautiful girl drifting to an island of nowhere, and nobody can find. Then we built shelter and everything out of trees and orphan stuffs from the plane. That thought always gave me a good laugh from a narcissistic ridicule of the real life. Nevertheless, what’s real anyways? How do you define real? How do you define us as human being? We are nothing but number, years we have lived, years to go…when we have accumulated enough number on that odometer of our lives, we stop traveling and perish like cars, no matter how much “gas” you pump into yourself, you simply just don’t run anymore, because you have reached the destination of your destiny. We are nothing but numbers; we are the number on our bank account, credit report…Because of those, we are numb of the things we own. We could own everything, but ultimately, we end up owning nothing. We drive cars that are built by machines, live in apartment we saw on internet poster last night…We are attached to nothing. We can move to the other end of the earth and all we need is the number on our bank account, number we can use on our credit card…Pathetic!

I pray for a great war in which we can fight our invisible enemies, in which we might be able to polish out some of our phoniness…But we don’t seem to be able to have a great war. We are depressed for reasons that are so obvious, but we can’t do anything about it, as we are so addicted by the convenience that's provided by modern world. We can lavish our food since we can get more on the next minute trip to supermarket; all it takes is a deduction on our number. For all these years, I wanted to retreat to a quite corner of this planet, yet I have been afraid of the opportunity cost. What is my opportunity cost? Is it a Farris that can’t be driven over the 50km speed limit, or is it a big house that won’t be mine till I pay off the mortgage on the day I die? I had easily convinced myself that I would rather have a courser that I can ride at full speed over the vast grassland, a shanty that is built by my own hands… why have I constrained myself to thoughts and dreams? I ask the heavenly father for courage, for hope, for answers…But he says courage is to be found within myself, he says I don’t need hope, losing all hope is freedom. He says the only answer is I myself.

                                                       Wake up

When you have insomnia, you are never asleep and you are never awake. I, on the contrast, am addicted to sleep. Having been awake for only a couple of hours, I feel like to surrender myself to that bed again. Am I awake, or was I ever awake, or what difference does it make? At least, in dream, I still have the power to surprise myself.   

      Oh, please, God forbids me wasting my time fudge the difficulties! My whole complaining process was again initialized by finding myself in an awkward predicament, surrounded by the recent “self-suspension” from working and the upcoming tests. Everybody has his break point, not surprisingly; my scattered passion or patient to the job at FKC finally brought my “working” project to a temporary closure. Fortunately, there is an employment agency frequently offers temporary works. Like weeks ago, I was directed to serve a “Wine Taste” banquet. Although it is usually a one-time thing, the job pays more and is generally easier.

      Yesterday, my roommates brought up that those photographers of Nation Geographic’s are probably working the most “colorful” job. At least they are immune from working in the office and possess a free-pass to see the world. Finding the prefect job is somehow as hard as finding a needle in the open ocean, or to be more relevantly, say, winning the first prize in lottery. Recalling the memories from those ideal, childish times, most of my generation fantasized themselves to be an astronaut, a general or a doctor…some were so “devoted” to their obsessions that they draw pictures of them and when theirs stories are being told, the sweet lost its power and toy its magic…

       The first cry from our birth promised us with the difficulties of this long journey. My humble knowledge tells me that we could be the only animal who cries on his birth. So intelligent that we foresee something the others can’t… If this is the way life is, then my journey has just started!   Bless moi!               

It seemed almost in no time that the summer has made his disappearance, overwhelmed by the coldness of the upcoming long winter.  Although I wish I could get a grip on the “diminishing” summer, delay his departure by some days, I’ll be more likely required to get a grip on the reality instead. Apart from all the unappreciable natures of winter, my resentment towards this season is mainly based on the inconvenience he implanted when living under his shadow. Standing at the bus stop, covered with snow, chilling …while the bus finally makes his late arrival in his lumberly fashion after the stiffness sets inside your flesh. I might have exaggerated it for a little bit. Yet the worst scenario had happened and could replay itself again. No matter how much I complain, bad scenario always have their shoots, no matter how faithful I am, the good ones never happen on request. Like the lottery, for that slim possibility to win, we give away our hope. The odd is not on our side but we never lost our passions to against all the odds. Pathetic opportunists …I take that as a complement. Admit or not, we are all named opportunists. People who take the chance at the right time, become the cover page of the magazine, people who don’t take the chance is found among us as for those who take the chance at a wrong time are to be seen behind the bars.

   I don’t know if you folks have seen the <<Prison Break>> already. If you haven’t, then you might be considered “Obsolete”. It is usually more than rare to hear me to recommend a TV show, needless to mention the reasons, but I guess the first exception is in order here.

   The first prison was built in 1860, since then, we started to send those who are “disliked” by the society to the little cages. We fantasized the process of “inhabitation” will consequently begin, we fantasized that behind those bars, and the “bad” are separated from the “good” … People say that this world is better off without them, they are speaking the truth. However, no matter how “sophisticated” our law system is, we will never get rid of crimes. One day we’ll overcome the poverty, one day, we’ll find a solution to AIDS, one day… is never the day for us to say “farewell” to crimes.  

     How much does a life weight? Does it weight as much as the World Trade Center which collapsed on the same day five years ago? How about 2973 lives?

     I’ve never thought that I would take a lesson about life from that incident until 5 years later when a documentary on the discovery channel brought me so close to the catastrophic memories in most of the Americans. People around the world were shocked, horrified…yet the catastrophe led people to a deeper question: How much are we determined to live? It is only after you faced the death nose to nose that you know the living. These are the days which we judge people by the suits they wear, the car they drive, the house they live…People at the bottom of this society are always appealing that we never shared the love from God equally.

     But when the disasters strike upon us that we know we are all equally weak in front of the disaster, driven by one single motivation: survive.        

        My interest towards learning German has been aroused by my “Deutschland” friends. Finally, I had myself focus on the objective seriously for this time, while finding some free German studying resources has turned out to be as difficult as the language itself. Wasted my whole night pursuing some stupid German studying software, I concluded this night as another confirmation of the fact: “There is no free lunch”. Either you possess money to buy it or you possess skills to steal it. I process neither of them. Frustrated as I am, I again introduced myself to this stupid writing thing, striving to find some refugee in it.

       The first day back to college seemed to have nothing to do with the theme:“interesting”, not even close. The coming back of students makes the campus again an uproarious place which meanwhile makes me missing the past peaceful summer. If there was a question I am to ask God, I would confront him with all the complication he implanted in us. Nothing is ever good enough for us or just me. There were times I hated high school, there were times I missed it and now those are all the times I don’t want to remember anymore, just like I don’t want to remember the taste of Chinese food. Accustomed myself to the macaroni and stuffs, I guess life is better off without those memories, what have you?

        After exhausted all my resources and inspirations for a proper title, I have had to send my weakest solider but also the omnipotent one to the battle, “untitled diary”, it works in all conditions and exclusively concluded these two “untitled” days.

        The new term certainly is not as “refreshing” to me as to those who just got their tastes on university. Some days ago, picking up freshmen at the airport reminds me of the very moment one year ago when I was like anyone of them, in whom it is not a difficult task to perceive a slightly “tabulated” emotion by a long fly, by an uncertain new place…By the way, if you are to pick up girls at the airport, remember no car is too big for them. For some reasons, which I will never be able to comprehend, girls really have all their passions on luggage. With all my imaginations, I failed to list all items that could possibly overhaul those giant luggage monsters.

        Being away from home for than a year, strangely, my compass doesn’t always point south, as a result, homesick has been dusted with time. Neither Changsha nor Shanghai carried  many of my memories, as to the place I first started to learn this world, it changed too rapidly as my bare eyes can hardly recognize him. From my respect, the change has done nothing good.     

Is soul-mate real? I’m asking myself that same question over and over and again after I watched Tom Hanks and Mega Regan “I’ve got a mail”. I don’t remember when exactly this movie made its reputation, could be some five years ago. Anyways, I somehow gave myself reasons to endure all the commercials and waited along to watch the whole movie. Trust me, tolerating commercials would be the very last option besides killing myself.

Is there really a soul-mate for each one of us in this world, a world which is more likely to precious people like Paris Hilton? She is not the one who should to blame, for sure. We made her the symbol of this “marvelous” era. When she gets drunk or acts like a prostitute, I humbly believe most of us would cheer and all of sudden start to realize the fun side of the world. Although she might fail to qualify a soul-mate, I have faith on her ability to be a good “bed-mate”! Seriously, why on earth do we need a soul-mate? How many of us actually found one? Who really needs a “Soul-mate”?  After all, is just another one of our “phobia” of simple living. So forget about the whole thing, if you can’t, reach down into your pocket and buy one!          

        Enough is enough, while there is nothing much you can do about it. This life has entered an embarrassing stage. The lottery is not happening; now, even looking at the miserable bank statement could make this life a total catastrophe. I assume that my “esteemed” reader shall now know the reason of the absences of my diaries.

        If there was something needs to be remembered as a memento of the past month, then allow me to introduce my terribly “might” job at KFC. “Money don’t come easy”, we are all used to the old saying, now, I have more authority to use that saying than before. For some people, they will never find any use of that saying, for me, I’ll have to live on that for a while. The more I think about it, the more it hurts. Those god damn pop stars, or clowns of the center stage make billions of dollars each year just for a couple minutes of singing and dancing, even just showing up would do the trick.. Enough is enough; after all, we are all furiously and also hopefully, prepared for a total war. War is the most sophisticated tool polishing the human-beings. A war is not to weed out the weak ones but to give them a chance to be strong. Besides, who are the weak? Nobody really knows. All we need is a chance!

       Please ignore the above testimony if you are one of those church-goers, or religious people who just couldn’t love this society more, yet, most of the cases, I would be more likely to hear the echoes from the other same souls. The same souls which will go shopping for groceries every day, working the jobs they hate so they can buy the shit on the flyers. How long can a man live? The development of science and technology are extending that time by any means. How long can we live the life we want? This society had us living by no means. Let’s all act up…